A Disgrace: Team USA Basketball and Baseball

Since the beginning of time, we Americans have always been able to say this to the rest of the world: "We can kick your ass in basketball and baseball." Today, however, the men's basketball team lost its third game of this Olympics (surpassing the total number of losses for the men's hoops team in the entirity of US men's Olympic basketball history) and can win at best the bronze metal. The men's US baseball team is even more of an embarassment. After winning the gold in 2000, they didn't even make the Olympics! I guess we can still be sort of proud to say: "We can kick your ass in WOMEN'S basketball and baseball."

Anyway, this will all be forgotten when the US soccer team wins its first World Cup (and they eventually will). We have the best athletes on earth. Although hoops didn't work out, we are again dominating the overall Olympic standings. As more young athletes take up soccer, our team gets stronger and stronger. We will win one of the next three cups and all of Latin America and Europe will declare war on us. What's going to be really sweet about it is that the American people as a whole won't even care that we won it, while the rest of the world will simmer in jealousy. Nothing's better than laughing at the misery of others.

P.S. If we had brought our A team instead of our C+ team in men's hoops, we would have easily dominated. Which Argentinian is gonna gaurd the Diesel?